DevOps Deep Thoughts

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alright so some exposition before we get going I'm going to do a parody of a SNL skit from the 90s so they have these things between sketches you'd see a nice picture calm voice would come on saying that they're going and then tell you a really inane jokes so these are all tongue-in-cheek jokes don't take them seriously please and now deep thoughts by not jack handey may be in order to understand devops we have to look at the word itself basically it's made up of two separate words devo and what do these words mean it's mystery and that's why so is DevOps I can picture in my mind a world without servers a world that's hashtag serverless and I can picture us running VMS and container runtimes in that world because they'd never expect it to me it's always a good idea to keep a full whip limit of tasks on your conv on board that way if anybody says hey can you give me a hand you can say sorry got these tasks if a junior engineer asks where outages come from I think a cute thing to tell them is the server is crying and if they ask what the server is crying another cute thing to tell them is probably because of something you did to me orchestration is like a ballet except there's no music no choreography and it never quite works correctly after staging if I ever get good at dev ops I hope I'm not mean to my developers like I am now if you knew two organizations one named Google and one named docker which one would you think like containers more I'd say docker but I'd be wrong it was some it's easy to sit there and say you'd like more engineering time from other teams and I guess that's what I like about it it's easy just sitting there not doing any engineering wanting that time from them one day one of my junior engineers came up to me and asked me how DNS works I had to laugh laugh and laugh because I didn't know and I thought maybe by laughing they would forget what they asked me breaking changes from semantic versioning not being followed don't upset me I just think why did they think I'd follow that standard if you go through a lot of servers every week I don't think it necessarily means you've got a great immutable infrastructure it may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper server maintenance if containers could scream would we be so cavalier about typing docker kill we might if they screamed all the time for no reason my manager always thought that laughter was the best medicine for burnout which is why I guess the entire team quit if there was an organization called VMware I bet it would really start to annoy you after a while how they sort of really stretched the definition of a vm junior engineers need encouragement if a junior gets an answer right tell them it was a lucky guess that way they develop a good lucky feeling the old operations engineer had fixed many an outage in their life but now it was time for them to remove their database accounts when they did all applications lost database access sorry the engineer said with a smile alright I'm Josh Zimmerman that's my twitter handle this has been a parody of deep thoughts by jack handey credit should go to him for these jokes um a couple people did help me widdle these jokes down from like 30 something to the like 16 you saw here so thanks to them I'm also want the organizers for DevOps days Madison I you should think about sponsoring submitting to our CFP which closes tonight at eleven fifty-nine p.m. CDT or even just coming up and having a good conference with us so that's I think my time give it up for the ignites